237 ☼ I Photographed Steve McQueen

My first Oscar winner and what I learned from him a long time ago

Dear friends,

In 2013, artist and director Steve McQueen gave a talk at the Apple Store in Brooklyn. I wasn’t there, but I listened to a recording of it not long after, and I noted down something he said and referred back to it every few years since then. It started with:

“We’re all gonna die, might as well go for it.”

Steve McQueen

I wrote it down and I carried it with me. Over time, the way these things happen, the idea absorbed into my thinking so completely that I forgot where it came from exactly. It became just a thing I believed, detached from its origin, floating free in my head.

Here is the quote with more context:

“We’re all gonna die, might as well go for it. Risk, try, experiment, fail, fail better. I don’t mind making myself into a fool. I’m way not cool, and I’m happy because I’m just trying to make shit happen. Through experimenting and challenging, you somehow get through and something can actually happen that you never thought would. It’s not about taking risk for risk’s sake, but for the art’s sake. You always fail, because you always come up with a question, and you always try to answer it with the next thing, which then becomes another question. It’s a conversation.”¹

Steve McQueen

A few weeks ago, I was going in circles again about my website. Fine art on one side, commercial work on the other, short comedic films somewhere in the mix. My old worry popped up again. What if someone from the fine art world lands on my site to look at my fine art photo books and sees I also shoot executive portraits for companies as well, or that I do improv on stage, will they take the photography seriously? Should I split everything up? Have separate identities for separate rooms?

I’ve been in this loop before. It never fully resolves, it just quiets down for a while and then comes back.

Then I was offered a beautiful portrait assignment. To photograph my first ever Oscar winner, a Turner Prize winner, one of the most prominent artists working today. Steve McQueen. I started doing my research and prep, the way I do before any shoot, and I put on an interview he’d given while I was strolling around taking some street photos. And there it was. The quote I’d been carrying for over a decade as inspiration and consolation, and I suddenly remembered where it came from.

Full circle doesn’t quite cover the feeling.

The shoot was at Studio 13, my home away from home here in Amsterdam. It was just Steve, my intern Pauline, and me. I put on Miles Davis, the way I always do when I want to settle my nerves and bring some calm into the room. Turns out Steve is a serious Miles fan. We ended up talking about that for a while. I mentioned I’d worked at a jazz label in New York, that given the choice I’d have put on some Coltrane hard bop, but that’s too frantic for a portrait session and most people find it disorienting. Steve agreed. We talked about Brooklyn, and I told him about this full circle quote moment and how it had inspired me for years to keep pushing.

Steve was patient and generous with his time. The Erasmus team had been clear about how much time we had, a full hour which is more than I’d usually expect to get. At some point I got in my head about it, feeling like I was taking too long, even though nothing Steve did suggested that. That’s the lesson I’m taking for myself from this shoot: when someone gives you time and space, take it. Stop second-guessing the permission you’ve already been given.

Steve McQueen works across installation, photography, film, and multi-media projects. He doesn’t seem to sort these into separate rooms or worry about which audience belongs to which work. The thing he’s chasing is the question, and then the next question. The form it takes seems to be secondary. I love this, naturally.

I think about the website worry I was having a few weeks ago and it feels smaller now. Not solved, but smaller. The fine art crowd, the commercial clients, the people who come for the comedy videos: they are all looking at the same person making the same work, chasing down questions, and helping people answer theirs. I don’t need a different door for each of them.

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Takeaways

What I got out of this interaction and the 2013 interview:

• Art is Not About Perfection : Viewing art as something that we do to try to answer a question, to create a conversation, not just an idealized final result.

• The Power of Vulnerability: Throw yourself into a creation, accepting the fragility of the process.

• Experimentation: The goal is to experiment and take risks, not to avoid failure.

Congratulations to Steve McQueen on being awarded the Erasmus Prize. And thank you to Lauren and the team at the Erasmus Foundation for trusting me with this assignment. It’s not often that a shoot gives you back something like this.

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NEXT WEEK: A recap of the launch event of the Vliegwiel portrait zine, the press around it, and the Dutch Minister of Economic Affairs receiving the first copy!

Keep shooting, sharing, feeling.

Wesley

If this letter did something for you, I’d really appreciate it if you shared it with a friend. ❤️

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Giveaway — Your Turn

Is there a quote or idea you’ve been carrying for years that inspires, consoles, or empowers you? Share it in the comments, and if you remember the source, even better.

One commenter will receive some rare expired film, a photo book from my collection, some studio goodies, and whatever else I find.

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Quick Links

• NEW Photography Workshop — May 23, London — Shane Taylor (Framelines) and I are co-hosting a day-long workshop in London for photographers who care about their work and could use help with the questions:

  1. What am I actually trying to say?

  2. How do I turn that into a real project?
     

  Morning sessions, communal lunch, afternoon street shooting. Info and tickets at developworkshops.com.
  
  The price is €275/£250 and Process Photo Club members get €75 off (just email me at hello@wesley.co and I’ll send you a discounted booking link.) Not a member yet? Check out the PPC perks page or click below.
  

• Top 10 Photography Locations in Paris — I wrote an article for the MPB website about ten amazing spots in Paris to visit to take pictures. My good friend Dan Umareta is Paris-based and provided gorgeous images for each spot. Read it in full here.

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This Week’s Camera + Tools

Camera: Studio: Canon EOS R5 and the Canon RF 24-70 mm f/2.8 L IS USM, Hasselblad 500cm, Mamiya 645 Pro.

Film Stock: Kodak Portra 400, Kodak Portra 400 VC 220

Lab: All my film is developed with love by Carmencita Film Lab. Use code “PROCESS“ for a free upgrade.

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A Few Ways To Support This Work

If Process adds something to your week, here's how to help keep it going: grab a copy of my photo book NOTICE Journal Volume One or the Process Workbook series. Every physical order includes a limited edition Creatives In/AMS preview zine, a surprise, and stickers.

Process Photo Club members get 40% off NOTICE and 100% off all four Workbooks. Not a member yet? Join here.

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1. This is a lightly edited version for readability. The full original quote: “We’re all gonna die might as well go for it. Literally, I mean it with no joke, we’re gonna die and so we might as well go for it, and risk and try and experiment and fail and fail better. I don’t mind making myself into a fool. I’m way not cool, and I’m happy because I’m just trying to make shit happen, whatever it is. I might have egg on my face, but through experimenting and challenging you somehow get through and something can actually happen, which you never thought would happen. So it’s a little about taking risks in a way, but not for risk sake but for the art’s sake. Because that’s what art is, about experimenting, trying, failing, failing better. That’s about it. You always fail. Because you always come up with a question, and you always try to answer the question with the next thing, which then becomes another question. It’s a conversation.”